Creating the Webbd Wheel: Choice and Consent
In which power requires responsibility ...
The purpose of the Ostara initiation is to bring this set of characters into greater power than they have attained thus far in their lives. I don’t say their complete power, because in my experience living in our power is not a destination, but a daily practice and intention. As we work with our personal power, it grows and flows, a dynamic energy moving with us and through us.
Secrets are obstructions to power. The tension between the things we don’t know, the things we know but hide, either from ourselves or others, and the courage to live authentically and allow ourselves to be seen, is procreative.
We don’t always want to know what we don’t know. Sometimes the unknown, the hidden thing, is too terrifying to face. If we discover hidden things, our lives may change in ways we can’t control. We may be hurt. We may have to make different choices, or take painful responsibility for old choices in a more conscious way. We may have to face our deepest feelings, our deepest shame.
For both the male and female initiates, consent is primary. No one is forced to attend the initiation or participate. During each step consent is obtained. It’s essential to give the initiates continued choice.
Freedom of choice means we are able to say yes, no, or anything in between. Choice and consent are closely allied. One of the deepest roots of rape culture is the inability to say no freely, without fear of retribution, silencing, or death. Lip service is paid to the idea of freedom, but if our ability to choose is taken from us we are not free.
Some things, of course, we do not have the power to choose. We only have the power to decide what to do with the reality we live in. I am not a postmodernist; I believe there is an independent reality demonstrable by science.
Artyom chooses to withdraw from the initiation. He leaves the circle. His choice affects the other characters, naturally, particularly Kunik. It’s important to note, however, that Kunik’s feelings are his own. Artyom has not made him feel rage and anguish. Kunik’s feelings are his own responsibility, as Artyom’s are his own responsibility. Baba Yaga only triggered feelings already present, dredged them up from where they festered in Artyom’s soul. She makes a convenient scapegoat, but for either man to project their emotional experience outside themselves onto another who “victimized” them only delays their own growth and work.
Respecting choice is a difficult practice. Every day we’re exposed to people who make choices we cannot understand and don’t agree with. People we love make self-destructive (to our way of thinking) choices we feel will tear us apart. The choices of others bring up our fear, rage, our deepest love and longings, our most terrible secrets, and our envy. All those reactions distract us from the place we have real power: in making our own choices.
I’ve observed frequently the people who are most critical of the choices of others are the least skilled at managing their own power to choose. They’d much rather be in everyone else’s business.
If we refuse to choose, others will choose for us. We will not be connected to our power. We’ll be adrift, feeling like a victim of a malevolent universe. Baba Yaga and the other initiation guides understand this, and continually ask all the characters to publicly commit to a choice, to give consent, to continue forward in spite of uncertainty, anguish, and fear. Managing our power is not a guarantee that everything will work out the way we want, or that we’ll be safe. Life is a chancy business. Living within our power simply means we remember at every step we can make choices, no matter what our situation.
This is a work of fiction. Sadly, as a woman, I’ve experienced frequent violations of both my choice and consent, not only in a sexual context, but in my general experience. Rape culture is toxic for women and men. It’s a relief to escape into Webbd, where wiser, more compassionate elders and guides prevail.
(This essay was published with post #50 of The Hanged Man.)